I just want to bust this out at parties when people are being boring... or when they are high

This bear is adorable.


Happy new year!!

Polyamourous relationships vs. Pologamous

When I was a child growing up I never heard of Polyamoury. I had heard of polygamy however. It was always on the news, cults who force the women to wear dresses and have a million children. Where old men married 14 year old girls and lived in compounds. I hadn't heard of any relationships that contained multiple long term partners that wasn't cheating or polygamy. Growing up I never had crushes on one person only, I couldn't understand monogamy. Loving only one person? When I went into the dating scene I felt the only way to be was with one person, wither it man or woman, I had to chose one.
the ability of not choosing is what Polyamoury gives me. I no longer have to chose who I love. I can love and live freely. People assume you can only love one person, they forget they love multiple people on a daily basis. As a child did you love one parent more than another? As a parent do you love one child over another? In my relationship I dont love one person more, I love them differently, for they are different people and need different things. That doesn't mean I love one more.
The knowledge that each of them love another aside from me, doesn't hinder me, I find it frees me. It allows me breathing room where in a monogamous relationship I feel smothered and trapped.

Things I will never understand

-Jeggings
- Flip flops (they just dont seem comfortable)
- Thongs (See Flip Flops)
-People who dont like bubble baths
- People who dont dance
- People who insist on being mature all the time. ( It will not kill you to relax and have fun. It might actually make you a better person to act silly)
- People who dont like chocolate ( thats just weird)
- Tentacle Porn. ( I dont like slimy things, I can stand being licked.... How the girls dont scream is confusing how people find it sexually arousing to see squid and octopus on naked girls is even more so)

Can romance and relationships be any more confusing?
I'm not really sure. Out west polyamoury or non monogamous relationships seem to be fast approaching the norm. for relationships. I've been in a few and their wonderful, but they have mostly been ones where I am with my "primary" (which was a woman) and a cute man walked by so I said "hey look a penis to have sex with can I honey pleasepleaseplease????" and so he would stick around for a while and we would have a relationship based on sex, all in all very nice. Im flirty and a bit flighty unfortunately.
I have been been with boyfriend for two years, just me and him, really a record for me not to get bored. But the expiration date has been hit and now Im getting bored,I still really care about him. I just think I need one more person in the relationship to allow me to continue to care about him and not turn murderous. I have just the person in mind...one of his best friends ( lets call him carl) . Over the last two years Carl and my relationship has grown and it now sits at this really awkward stage where we do everything that couples do except kiss and fuck. We cuddle, we flirt, we go out on dates and at the end we give goodnight kisses on the cheek. It horrible,that I want more and that hes my boyfriends friend.

Also I'm moving.
Shit.

when a photogrpaher asks you...

A woman came in last week lets call her Mrs. Jane, so Mrs. Jane comes in with a photo of her infant son says "I want this photo duplicated for my infant daughter" I replied with "We will do our best but it might not work." When duplicating a photo it is always a hit and miss thing. Mrs. Jane comes in and I tell her the pose might not be perfect since the previous photographers used an incline and I am only able to use rectangular blocks. She responds very snarkily with "Well when I came in to book this appointment the woman said it was no problem and they could do it for sure" I hate when people miss quote me to me. I remembered her, why couldn't she remember me? I am not that generic. I feel kind of bad I snapped a little and said "No I didn't. You dealt with me. I remember booking your appointment I said we would try." Stubborn to the end she said "Well try isn't good enough I was promised the same picture by that woman." Her loving husband pulled her down and said in a loud-ish whisper "Sweetie that is the woman you dealt with"
we continued to the session and we managed to build the incline, looked pretty good too, and she began to undress her baby. Which I have no problem with at all, but I always ask then when the baby isn't wearing a diaper you place the "pee pads" under them so if/ when they pee it doesnt get all over everything, plus its way more sanitary. So I gave them to her and explained all this. A normal person would go okay thanks. or wont it show? no? okay thanks. Not her, oh no, it was "we didn't do this with my son" "it will show!" " MY baby wont pee" when I thought I had convinced her she placed the baby down and I took a few shots. I went to change the pose, had her remove the baby picked up the black blanket and it was soaking wet!! Turned around to see her unscrunching the pee pads out of her fists!! I couldn't believe it! She expected me to clean up after her baby's pee. I said "your baby just ruined 4 blankets with her pee. you didn't put the pads down and she peed. Now my hands are covered in her urine." She replied with. "oh." That's its. No "omigoshimsosorry" no "sorry" even. Maybe is she had said sorry I would have let her stay since she did not I asked her to leave. She called my boss, who happens to be a bigger germaphobe than me and got told the same thing.

Moral: Of the story, if your photographer asks you to do something do it.

p.s. she also argued that she should have to stay beside her baby, while her baby is on a 45 degree incline. She refused to stay by in case her baby fell off (which it almost did) until her husband said "OH MY GOSH THE BABY"S FALLING OFF!!!!"

Dixon Cider.

I am on the phone with my dad on the bus and we are talking about roller derby. I skate with this guy names Dixon Cider (say it out loud) and I told my dad. Stupidly I never said his name out loud we just call him Dick at practice. So When ever I saw his name I thought Dicks in hot apple drink. As I say it out loud I realize that I was wrong then I realized that HEY IM ON A PACKED BUS! great.

The woman in front of me started praying for my soul >.>;

Mars needs moms.

I was never interested in seeing this movie but after reading a few reviews I almost am.
In the way liberals watch conservatives, with a twisted sense of awe that someone could really be that stupid.

From the reviews I have read this is the movies big message: woman can't have jobs because as soon as they have some form of power they stop being able to be mothers. Women can't get jobs because as soon as they do men become useless and of course everyone needs two parents, a mother AND a father to be loved.

There are so many problems with these messages. People may think well whatever, its a kids movie but that's my point. It's a kids movie, children can't filter these messages and file them away under "bullshit" they take them as truths.

I find as I actually start paying attention to children television that the messages that are being taught are outdated and wrong. Even shows that you would think were fine, such as mickey mouse playhouse. It's mickey mouse he teaches you colors and counting and when you're being bullied to do nothing. Do you remember Pete? When I was a kid he was a jack-ass, that was all but as an adult he's a bully. I don't know if he was always this bad or if throughout the years he's grown into this role. The fact is he is one and Mickey just bows to his will, there's no telling adults, there's just giving in and letting him get away with it.

It fucking sparkles. World, what am I going to do with you?

I hate twilight, a lot, like A LOT! When I worked at the bookstore every employee made fun of twilight, and anything attached to it. Today I am here to apologize to Robert Pattinson, this article is why. If it is true, which I highly believe it is due to other facts, I say bravo good sir, bravo.
Kristen Stewart still l cant act her way small out of a box.

I got these really great cupcake holders as a Christmas present. I filled them with Chocolate cake and then added a pink icing brain.



After the brain I added the skull with white chocolate. The cool thing about this cupcake is that you have to crack through the skull to get to the cupcake :)

I also worked on my fondant and made these cute star cupcakes! You cant tell in the picture but I added some edible sparkle!

I stood and laughed today at these three boys wobbling quickly after the bus. Trying to keep their pants up, their legs were spread wide and even with one hand trying to hold the 8 sizes too large jeans up they still had to stop every few feet to readjust. They couldn't hold the pants up with both hands because the other hand was trying to keep steady their ever important mocha latte from Starbucks.

This woman came up to me the other day in the store, holding a Pedi egg and a large poster of the human digestive system. For those who don't know what a pedi egg is, its a cheese grater for the foot. She come up and she said, "I came in the other day and bought this (holds up pedi egg) but I meant to buy this (holds up giant human digestive poster) Can I exchange?" I suppressed the urge to ask how the hell she mixed up the two and just said " No, our computer doesn't allow us to exchange items I'm sorry." Her argument was to immediately pull out the receipt and point at the part where it clearly says "No Exchanges, No Returns" and say "Well it says here..."
"Yes, It says there No Exchanges or returns"
Her tactics changed to leaning in *really* close and saying "Just this once?" Then she got mad.
I should clarify that both items were 1 dollar. She raised her voice and got angry at a dollar. I searched my pockets to give her one since she was obviously so poorly off, but I didn't have anything. When I finally made it clear that I couldn't, she made a big show about gathering her stuff and then failed miserably to pick up the poster. "Well I'm just going to leave this here for YOU to deal with" At which point I made a big show of picking up the poster and putting in the basket not a foot a way and saying "Have a nice day"
Karma got me back though, my next customer paid a 20 dollar tab in nickels, dimes and pennies.

Chistmas is a time for jolly, and holly, and other things that end in "olly"

It is also a time for crazed shoppers to become angry that the dollar store is out of jumbo bags 6 days before Christmas... ugh.

On the other hand it is also a time to get Nerf guns from friends and have a gun fight in their mostly empty house. I think it is an entirely appropriate time of year to learn that I am a *very* good shot :)

I am not sure how many of you know of the American Family Association. They are bunch of religious idiots. They have a crusade going on against companies that are "Anti- Christmas"
Bugger them, HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!

World Domination here I come!!

I got into University! Woot Woot!
I actually got in to a couple universities :)
I also just started my own cleaning business.
World domination is next!

20 years ago my mother was on the cusp of 21 and 9 months pregnant. My father was turning 22. They both were in the middle of successful military careers, and happily married.
Tonight I am on the eve of 21, I am neither pregnant or married. In fact I am with a man who never wants with either. Thats fine but as I take this time to reflect I cant help but feel a tinge of remorse. One might even call it regret.

I am slightly more intelligent than most people, you wouldn't be able to tell from my life. Up to this point it has been one illogical and misconceived plan after another, each ending in failure and isolation. So what road do I follow from here? Do I go to school? Do I do a triple major, go into a field that isnt hiring and then onto a job I am not sure I can even do? Or do I settle into a life of menial jobs and wandering? I don't know in what direction to go from here. How do I wake up and fell I have accomplished something when I am unsure of what I wish to accomplish?

I am forced to reflect on my parents life and the dreams I had for myself as a child. I know each life is different and it is true that three years after the fact my parents split and both respectively left the military to enter another phase of their life. I never had a guide line for my dreams, no over all goal just a vague grandiose idea. It has proven difficult because of that to assess if my life has measured up to what my young mind imagined adulthood to be. If I judged simply by the feeling of regret and feeling of misguidance by my own hand, I would say that no. The life I am living has not measured up.

Streaming....

Why is that you feel like crap one second and when you come out you can feel better? All in a matter of 15 minutes?

She didn't call, text facebook or other wise. She left me hanging and I was pissed. Not at her just at the fact she tossed me aside as a dick came along.

Then I had a shower and packed her things and I am suddenly okay with the situation with out the help of alcohol! (wow I sounded like an alcoholic there....)

I know that because I'm okay with the situation now shes going to call or just show up. I don't know what I am going to do. Probably be rude its my go to reaction when some ones hurt me. Oh well.

I hope the dick doesn't show up here. that would be awkward, I dont have any hard feeling towards him at all he is a great guy. I just really don't want to talk to the guy who stole my best friend from me.

Im still okay.

good time girls finish last.

I am so sick of being the girl that people call when they are lonely or their boyfriends a jerk or when their girlfriends being an insensitive cunt.

I am that person for pretty much everyone, even my dad.
.
..
...
....
...
..
.
I am going to drink myself and watch so much T.V my brain leaks out my ears.

How I start my mornings.

I need drugs. I am abnormal. Normal people do not have the conversations I have.
example!

BOYFRIEND: I share my birth month with a lot of my friends.

ME: I dont.

BOYFRIEND: You share your birth month with Jesus.

ME: Jesus can suck it.

PAUSE

ME: Actually I bet Jesus gives great blowjobs.... in fact I bet they would be miraculous!

PAUSE

BOYFRIEND: I bet he's better at giving hand jobs.... He wouldnt even have to close his hand!


Thats right folks. My boyfriend made a sex joke about stigmatas! We are both going to hell, unless God has a sense of humour....
So after I pried myself off the ground ( I fell off the bed laughing so hard) I HAD to tell my father.

ME: *repeats joke*

FATHER: *laughs very loudly for minutes* Well Stigmata fetishes are the next big thing!

My goodness I REALLY hope that God has a sense of humour but if he doesnt at least I will have good company for all of eternity right?

martha stewart I am not!

In my family I am not known for my wonderful wrapping skills. My grandmother always gives presents in gift bags and always wonders why I don't do the same. This is the reason.

Every time I buy a present for someone I look for gift bags then I look at the pretty wrapping paper and I think I CAN WRAP THIS! I will Martha Stewart the crap out of this!! I will prove my brilliance and then my family will no longer mock me!

About 15 minutes later I realize I cannot Martha Stewart the crap out of it, I can't even wrap it.... my wonderful present ends up in a mess of wrapping paper and tape. After this I decide I will cover it in ribbons, disguise the mess and still end up with a great present! This does not work, neither does the stickers I put on. So instead of a present worthy of the pages of magazines I end up with a mitigated disaster of paper, stickers and ribbons and me sitting in the middle of the room crying into my magazines "WHY DON'T YOU LOOK LIKE THIS?"

One Christmas I thought it would be a wonderful idea to be a professional gift wrapper in a mall, to which my father did not share my enthusiasm. To prove his point he brought home a small box and asked me to wrap it... I changed my Christmas career choice to Santa's little helper...

Turkeys Bride!

My goodness! so I got a job at a loan store.
In my three days of working here I have learned that
people are very rude! I have never been hung up on
and or been called so many unpleasant names in my
life!
in other news its almost Thanksgiving! As everyone but me
is going away for thanksgiving I am having mine slightly
late. In an effort to be interesting I am trying to come
up with a witty name for it. Of course all my
witty names are derived from movies. Such as
"Turkey Horror Picture Show" "The girl with the Turkey Tattoo"
and "Turkey 2: He was dead but then he got better."
So not so much witty as just plagiarism.
*sigh* Mayhaps I will just call it OCTOBER THE 17TH
EAT UNTIL YOU EXPLODE DAY!
A little long, don't you think?
Its my first thanksgiving by myself, and I am really paranoid about it
I am convinced I am going to screw it up and be forced
to order Chinese foods. I am not sure why if I fuck
up my massive dinner that could feed a village in Africa
for a month it automatically means Chinese take out,
but whatever.
Maybe that's what I will call my dinner "Massively large
Dinner that could feed an African Village for a month!"
..... kind of depressing.

Did you hear?

Tim Curry is my hero. It doesn't matter that he was the voice of the mouse king in "Barbie in the nutcracker" He's that cool. What I dont understand is how he remains single. This question burned in my mind ever so stronger as I watched this clip.


If you find yourself overloaded by a mixture of bad sfx and Tim Curry's boyishly good looks, may I recommend you skip to 3:23.