20 years ago my mother was on the cusp of 21 and 9 months pregnant. My father was turning 22. They both were in the middle of successful military careers, and happily married.
Tonight I am on the eve of 21, I am neither pregnant or married. In fact I am with a man who never wants with either. Thats fine but as I take this time to reflect I cant help but feel a tinge of remorse. One might even call it regret.

I am slightly more intelligent than most people, you wouldn't be able to tell from my life. Up to this point it has been one illogical and misconceived plan after another, each ending in failure and isolation. So what road do I follow from here? Do I go to school? Do I do a triple major, go into a field that isnt hiring and then onto a job I am not sure I can even do? Or do I settle into a life of menial jobs and wandering? I don't know in what direction to go from here. How do I wake up and fell I have accomplished something when I am unsure of what I wish to accomplish?

I am forced to reflect on my parents life and the dreams I had for myself as a child. I know each life is different and it is true that three years after the fact my parents split and both respectively left the military to enter another phase of their life. I never had a guide line for my dreams, no over all goal just a vague grandiose idea. It has proven difficult because of that to assess if my life has measured up to what my young mind imagined adulthood to be. If I judged simply by the feeling of regret and feeling of misguidance by my own hand, I would say that no. The life I am living has not measured up.